2011

What. A. Year.

I honestly can't believe I survived.  Seriously.  There were times when I looked into the future and literally thought I could not do it; there was no hope; my life was over.  But here I am on the last day of this year.  I have made it.  Looking back, those feared (and sometimes unexpected) moments really were hard.  Now that I know how hard they were it kind of surprises me how I made it through with as much peace as I did.  I know this is only by the grace of God.

I OFTEN think about what I would be doing now if my year had gone differently; rather, if it had gone more "as planned".  It is so crazy how much has changed in a year.  I have learned a lot about myself, about life, about priorities, about loss, about fear, about strength, about tears, about pride, about humility, about shame, about friends, about sleep-deprivation, about failure, and about trust.

My life is not what I want it to be, but life is not about me.  Life is about God bring glory to Himself as He redeems His people and sanctifies us to be more like Him.  Everything that happened in 2011 fits perfectly into His plan.  I don't understand it all, I don't like it all, but He gives me enough peace to live with it all. 

Looking back, I seriously don't know how I survived 2011.  I think back to certain moments and I think, "how in the world did I get through that????".  God's peace met me in each moment; there was always just enough to get me through.

I am not that excited about 2012.  I don't know what it will hold.  I no longer feel like the "possibilities are endless" and "the world is at my fingertips", but I do know that as God continues to teach me and mold me more into His image He will give me peace every step of the way.  And as scary as it is, it is a blessing to wake up each morning and have to seek peace from God and rest in His sovereignty because there is not enough peace in my circumstances alone. 

From the book Jesus Calling:

"As this year draws to a close, receive My Peace.  This is still your deepest need, and I, your Prince of Peace, long to pour Myself into your neediness.  My abundance and your emptiness are a perfect match. I designed you to have no sufficiency of your own."

May we truly be filled with the Peace of God in 2012!

Party like a Rock Star!

It was so fun to get to dress-up and get to go out to Thomas Gibson and Hannah Hoffman's wedding.  It's the little things these days....   :)

Go State!!!

Juliet dressed up for NC State's Bowl Game!

Christmas

Christmas in Virginia.....

 Christmas in Lenoir...

High School Reunion

I have a Christmas Party at my house every year for my friends from high school.  For some of these girls it's the only time of the year we see each other.  It's a party of catching-up, reminising, and playing Dirty Santa!  For most of them it was also the first time they had met Juliet (they gave me the sweetest baby shower ever in August)...and she was quite the hit!

Grove Park Inn Gingerbread Houses

It's a tradition to go see the famous gingerbread houses at the Grove Park Inn every year around Christmas time, and take pictures in front of the huge Christmas trees and in the sleigh.  And no one better to go with than Leah, Becki, Melanie, and of course Juliet!

Aunt Melanie

3 Months

Juliet is three months old today.  It's bittersweet.  My little tiny baby is not so tiny anymore, yet her little personality emerges more and more each day, and that is so fun!

Current Accomplishments:
-takes three naps a day, usually lasting about an 1 and a half each
-still likes to eat regularly at night ... :(
-smiles on command as long as she is not hungry
-sleeps in her crib and on her back (swaddled...just like baby Jesus!)
-tracks movement amazingly well
-LOVES (and I mean L.O.V.E.S) the TV and the ceiling fan
-giggled/laughed for the FIRST time today
-loves for you to sing songs with little hand motions to her ("itsy bitsy spider", etc)
-we sing and read daily (in English and Spanish)
-does not sit still unless she is about to fall asleep...she constantly is moving her legs like she is trying to run
-loves sucking on her fists
-loves to coo and "talk" with whoever with talk back 

Words I would use to describe her: sweet, chubby, expressive, alert, inquisitive, strong

Chubbiness

Memory Thursday

1 Corinthians 2:9

⁹But, as it is written,

    "What no eye has seen, nor ear heard,
   nor the heart of man imagined,
what God has prepared for those who love him"—

It's an adventure for sure!

Grandma Award

Not only did my mom keep Juliet (today, a cranky, not sleeping well baby) so that I could go to my Titus 2 Bible Study but she also washed, snapped, stuffed, and put away Juliet's cloth diapers while I was gone.  ...This is no small task, my friends.  She seriously deserves an award!

Sleep Training

It's all a guessing game, I've decided.  And, it's all about finding the right timing for you and your baby.  And, it's different for every family and every child. And, when something doesn't work out just remember "this too shall pass".

That being said, I have started "sleep training" Juliet.  I am taking a relatively laid back approach so it sounds way more intense then it is.  Before having Juliet I planned to be a hardcore mom when it came to sleeping.  I was going to teach Juliet to sleep well, all night long, in her crib, and let her cry herself to sleep if that was what was needed.  Then, Juliet was born.  She did not like sleeping in her crib, by herself, and certainly not for any stretch longer than one hour.  I was told she was fine to cry herself to sleep, I was told to wait until two months, I was told to wait until six months, I was told to never let her cry herself to sleep because it was just plain mean.  ...So what on earth was I suppose to do???

Well, I threw ALL plans out the window.  I rocked Juliet to sleep and she slept in the bed with me.  That worked for us.  That was how we both got the most sleep and so that is what we did.  I assumed I had ruined my plans of ever having the perfect sleeping baby because I spoiled her, but when you are just "surviving" you do what works best for that day.  I was okay with giving up my perfect sleeping baby dream for a few months (and a few hours of sleep); that is what worked at that time!

Well, Juliet hit the two month point and with the support of the pediatrician and some friends I just decided to try putting Juliet in her crib at night, while she was still awake, to try and help her learn to put herself to sleep.  I was prepared for the WORST!  On night ONE she cried 20 minutes and then fell asleep.  I was SO happy.  I was prepared to "out last her" for hours on end (slight exaggeration!).  After her mid-night feeding, I laid her down again, awake, in her crib.  She made noises and struggled (because I swaddle her) but fell asleep after about ten minutes without one tear!  WHAT ON EARTH?!?!?  I kept going to check on her to make sure she was okay because she was NOT crying.  Well, since then (it has been about a week) Juliet has been laid down in her crib at night and after each night-time feeding (about 3), while still awake, and gone to sleep on her own without one tear. 

If I catch her at the right time during the day, as in tired but not too tired, I can get her to go down for a nap in her crib with anywhere from no crying to 10 minutes of crying.  However, if she is overtired she will cry through her whole nap (1.5 hours...).  So, we are still pretty relaxed about daytime sleep at this point and just working on getting longer stretches at night!

So, I write all of this for a few reasons: 
1.) as a record for myself to be able to remember how I sort of "sleep trained" Juliet
2.) as an reminder that just because you have a goal in mind (aka: a good sleeper), you might have to take an unexpected route to the finish line, and you might not get there as fast as you thought, and that is OK!
3.) to remind myself that it really is all a guessing game, and every child is different

If you are sleep training a baby, no matter how you are doing it, HANG IN THERE!!...this too shall pass :)

Sophie the Giraffe

The VunCannon's, our dear friends, gave Juliet "Sophie the Giraffe".  Jean-Marie VunCannon had seen Sophie on Good Morning America where they said it was "all the rage" among celebs and their babies.  So, of course, Juliet needed one!  I think she likes Sophie too...

I "play" with Juliet and her toys everyday.  Sometimes we read, sometimes we practice colors and numbers (in two languages!), etc, but Juliet never seems interested in the least bit.  However, yesterday for the first time she begin to focus on her toys and now she will stay focused on what every you put in front of her.  It is amazing how in just one day she seemed to develop this skill!  Now she actually "plays" with me :)

Don't know about Sophie????  I did not either.  Her is her story:

Once Upon a time, a simple story...

The Little giraffe was born on the 25th of May in the year 1961. St Sophie's day! In those days, the only animal toys available were farm animals or pet figures. That is why one day in France, a certain Monsieur RAMPEAU, who was an expert in transforming sap from the HEVEA tree using the rotational molding of rubber as a toy-making concept, came up with the idea of designing a giraffe.

Such an exotic wildlife figure would be a first on the market, and its size and shape would be ideal for a baby's small hands to grasp. Sophie the Giraffe, who looked exactly the same then as she does today, went into production on a Thursday, May 25th, whence her name. She was an immediate success.

Young mothers straightaway saw that she was a must for their children when the first signs of teething appear, Sophie the Giraffe helps baby stop crying!By simple word of mouth, the little Giraffe's fame spread.From then on in Europe, generation upon generation of children were to love hearing Sophie squeak whenever they pressed her tummy and head! Vulli, a company based in Rumilly in the Haute-Savoie Region of France has continued to keep the jealously-guarded secret of how this wonder toy is made.SOPHIE is still "traditionally" produced to this day, a process that involves more than 14 manual operations. She is made from 100% natural rubber derived from the sap of the Hevea Tree.

Why is Sophie such a huge success? Sophie the Giraffe is BABYS FIRST TOY, stimulating EACH OF HIS SENSES from the age of 3 months:

*Sight:

At the age of 3 months, a baby's eyesight is still limited and he can only make out high contrasts. The Dark and contrasting attention-catching spots all over Sophie the Giraffe's body provide visual stimulation and she soon becomes a familiar and reassuring object for baby.

*Hearing:

Sophie the Giraffe's squeaker keeps baby amused and stimulates his hearing. To begin with, the funny sound Sophie makes when she is squeezed helps to stimulate baby's hearing, and then later, helps him to understand the link between cause and effect.

*Taste:

Sophie the Giraffe is made of 100% natural rubber and food paint, and is completely safe to chew, just like a feeding bottle teat. Her soft texture and numerous chewable parts (ears, horns, legs), make her perfect for soothing baby's sore gums during teething.

*Touch:

Touch is the first means a baby has of communicating with the outside world. Sophie the Giraffe's soft feel, like baby's mother's skin, stimulates physiological and emotional response that soothe baby and promote healthy growth and well-being.

*Smell:

The singular scent of natural rubber from the Hevea tree makes Sophie the Giraffe very special and easy for your child to identify amid all his other toys.

Great-Grandma Isla and Juliet

Tummy Time

2 month appointment (at 10 weeks)

Juliet weighs 12 lbs 1 oz
She is 23.5 in long
Her head is 14.5 cm in circumference
She got three shots :((((

I am thankful for...

....this smile

 ...for playing Risk, running a Turkey Trot, and a yummy breakfast

 ....for the help and love of Grandparents

 ...for yummy desserts

 ...for great friends, wonderful company over a Thanksgiving meal, and an abundance of food

 ...for a table where we could all fellowship, eat together, and share what we were thankful for

 ...for spending time with friends from different stages of life

 ...for lots and lots of laughs and stories and wine

 ...for friends from birth

 ...and for sweet, little Juliet's first Thanksgiving!

An Impossible Calling

My heart aches to be in Mexico these days.  It almost kills me that I can't just "go" right now; for a visit at least.  I have recently been almost obsessed with reading blogs of other missionaries and I think it is because it is the closest I can get to being "there" right now. 

I am such a goer and doer; I always have been.  Even though I don't like bugs, can't stand to have greasy hair, and like taking hot showers, there is no where I have ever been happier than on the mission field.

I think part of my contentment on the mission field is a result of my own sin of getting caught-up in "stuff" in the US..  Here in the US it  is so easy for me to get caught-up in material things, entertainment, and "instant"-everything.  It is so much easier for me to focus more on the simple and important things when I have fewer material distractions; in other countries, for instance.   When my life is more focused on serving others and less focused on me, I am more content. But, I think another reason I am so content on the mission field is not because it is always easy, not because nothing ever frustrates me (have you ever met a Hispanic that arrives on time???), and not because nothing ever challenges me, but because I really believe God has called me there.  I don't think you can find true contentment outside of His will.

Well, right now my I am here.  In the US.  And not only am I here, but my "going" and "doing" is very limited.  I am learning to stay and rest (I mean that figuratively!).  Being still for now is okay; I know this is my current calling.  I want to "go", but I know this is a season and there will be a time when it is easier to go and do.  However, what I really struggle with is if I will ever be able to go on the mission field again.  I have such a longing to go; but the reality seems so impossible.  How many single moms go on the mission field? ...not to mention other logistics and issues that would arise.   A future "there" just doesn't make sense. I have really been struggling with the future and feeling stuck in the impossibles.

Thankfully God has been showing me that impossible is good.  Impossible means that if I do go it is completely of Him and not of my will or my doing.  If "going" were possible for me right now, I'd go.  So being stuck in the impossible for man forces me to rely on God's timing and plan and not my own.  Maybe I will never "go" again, I don't know God's plans, but if I do I can be sure it is of the Lord; otherwise, it just doesn't make sense. 

So, here is to the future full of going and doing; but also to the present full of waiting, resting, leaning, and trusting.  I hope to be able to re-read this post one day and be able to say, "o, ye of little faith".

1 Corinthians 1: 26-31

²⁶ Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. ²⁷ But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. ²⁸ God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, ²⁹ so that no one may boast before him. ³⁰ It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. ³¹ Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”

The Help

I have had so much help, and offers of help, since Juliet has arrived.  So many of you have, or have offered to baby-sit for me while I catch a nap or do school work; you have loaned me things; and given me countless advice and answered my thousands of questions on everything baby.  Thank you so much!

Also, without the help of my parents I would be one hungry, tired, and probably crazy, girl.  I have had breakfast in bed since the day Juliet was born, constant baby-sitting so I can get in a run or a nap, encouragement and devotions, a bottom-less water cup by my bed, and Juliet "holders" for when she cries so much I cry too! 

I am so blessed.

Go Steelers

We all attended Dan Berger's Steeler themed birthday party.  We totally dressed for the occasion.

2 Months (Tomorrow)

Tomorrow Juliet will be 2 months old.  Even though the time has flown by and I can't believe she is two months, I also still feel like she is older than her actually age.  She has so much personality, opinion, and spunk.  This past week (FINALLY!!!!) she has been sleeping better.  She has been sleeping a four hour stretch eating and then sleeping another four hours at night.  She still eats every three hours during the day, but she is now also napping much, much better (like an hour between each feeding) during the day!  I have not eaten dairy the past two weeks because Juliet was just being SO cranky.  Her tummy seemed to be hurting her, which meant she did not sleep well, which meant she was a very fussy baby.  My dad saw a baby on TV and made the comment, "why is that baby not crying?"...Yes! She was being that fussy.  But, alas, with the no-dairy diet and the good sleep habits, we have one smiling, happy baby!

2 month milestones:
-smiles "on command" as long as she is fed
-uses cloth diapers
-nurses about an hour, is awake about 30 minutes, naps about an hour to an hour and a half, and then repeats the process all day long
-seems to really like being outside
-will turn her head to follow your voice
-wears size 3 months clothes
-loud music and lots of movement calm her when she is crying
-cannot be bounced enough

Words I would use to describe her: expressive, sweet, alert, inquisitive

Uncle Zach

Zach is here visiting for the weekend and a conversation at the dinner table goes something like the following:

Judy: I'm going to the church to drop a bike off for the yardsale.

Me (holding a crying Juliet): Want to take Juliet? Or I'll go with you if we can leave her here!  (I kid, people)

Zach: Can you not leave her alone because she will crawl around and like, eat stuff?  (he does not kid...)

Me (laughing): She can't crawl yet! She can barely hold her own head up.

Zach: Really? So, if you laid her on the floor she would just stay there?? If she saw something she wanted she would not try to go get it??

Oh, how I love him! 

Pit Happens

I like to listen to sermons when I do my long runs (well, when I did my long runs...one day, one day...).  I just could not do music for 3 hours.  So, I would put pod cast of sermons on my ipod to pass the time.  I particularly like to listen to sermons from Generation Church out in Seattle, Washington.  This church, is well, spirited.  They are filled will passion and all about yelling and Jesus.  Therefore, their comical, upbeat sermons are great for running! 

Back in the fall of 2010 I was running in Mexico and heard a sermon called "Pit Happens".  The sermon was on Joseph (the guy with the coat of many colors!).  The basic story goes... Joseph (a pretty good guy) was thrown in a pit by his brothers, they then felt bad letting him just die so they instead sold him into slavery and he was taken to another country where more "bad" events came his way (jail, etc). 

The sermon talked about how we all have trials and struggles in our lives.  One of Joseph's trials was being thrown into a "pit".  While we are in the midst of our own "pit" (aka: trials) we have three choices: we can quit, fit, or sit.  We can just give-up and quit, assuming that there is no hope for the situation.  We can whine, complain, and pitch a fit about our situation and how it is unfair.  Or, we can sit, wait, and trust that God has a glorious plan no matter how much pit happens.

When Joseph was in the pit his reality was awful!  His own brothers had essentially left him for dead.  I'm sure he was not feeling too hopeful.  However, Joseph did not know what God had in store for him: he would become a ruler in Egypt! 

So, this sermon is a great, yet simple and comical reminder to me that Pit Happens!!!, but am I going to choose to quit, fit, or sit in God's sovereignty?

Cloth Diapers

A new adventure!!!  At least they sure are cute :)

Halloween

For Halloween Juliet and I headed to the Whipple's house to trick-or-treat in West Asheville.  I was a cat and Juliet was the cutest little tiger.  I totally used her to get candy because I needed wanted chocolate!  We trick-or-treated with the Zetterholm clan, which made me not feel so bad about getting free candy.