Monday, February 27, 2012

Joy

When I first found out I was pregnant someone who had been through a similar experience told me, "your joy will return".  She was right.  There were times I did not believe I would ever feel joyful or happy again; but God has once again answered prayers and been ever so gracious.

I thought coming home from Mexico would be the hardest part of this journey and that once I was home and everyone knew things would get easier.  I was received home with more love, grace, gifts, forgiveness, considerateness, and support you can imagine.  Some things did get easier, but then there were new emotional struggles to face; so then I moved on to assuming that once I had a cute little baby in my arms the joys would outweigh the challenges and struggles.  They did not.  I loved Juliet but I still found myself crying often.  In part I was grieving the loss of my pre-baby life and in part I really struggled with the fact that becoming a mom was not happening the way I had always imagined it.  I honestly was not happy.  I would BEG God often in my prayers to give me joy in the journey and contentment in my life as a new mom; but I was just unhappy.

Moment by moment I would have to make a decision to be thankful for all of the amazing people who were caring so well for me AND to claim God's promises found in the Bible to me as His child.  In some of those moments I failed miserably and got lost in my self-pity and then in some of those moments I was able to grit my teeth and make the best of it.  I felt so guilty that I was not able to truly be joyful in this new season.  I really, really had so much to be thankful for; I had God's promises full of hope and peace; and what new mom is not just overjoyed with their new little bundle of JOY?    I was often even jealous of other young moms who just seemed so happy.  What was wrong with me???  I finally just decided that 1.) I would never really be happy again, 2.) I would have happy moments here and there and that would be sufficient, 3.) many other people have situations that are much, much harder, 4.) I need to act strong and content around others and not complain, and 5.) I just needed to suck-it-up and live life.

I really felt this way for the first three months of Juliet's life.  Of course, I had some days that were better than others; and there were moments of real joy that seemed to be gradually more frequent with each passing month, like when Juliet first smiled or when she would fall asleep in my arms.  I loved Juliet; we just weren't living the life I had imagined or wanted for either of us.

Juliet is now five months old.  God is faithful.  He listened to my every plea for joy.  He caught every tear in His hand.  He did not leave me in my grief.  He has been with me every step of the way.  He allowed me to cast on my cares on Him because He cares for me.  It has been a process, but He has restored my joy.  The process was part of the plan.  Not my plan; His.  I thought I had learned enough with simply having a baby, but God was not satisfied with just that amount of growth in my heart; He had bigger things in mind.  Through the whole process I learned so much about selfishness, pride, grief, sacrifice, denying myself, jealousy, contentment, and faith when I could not see.  I would have missed out of some these transformations of my heart if God worked on my timeline.  God proved to me that even though we have times of trial or disappointment, we can have joy in the journey as we believe that every ounce of the journey is for God's glory and our good (Romans 8:28).  

My situation could of had a hopeless, joyless ending.  Thankfully, I am God's beloved child; and He, through His grace, has no hopeless endings and has given me much joy.  Juliet truly is a joy.  I'm overwhelmed with joy when she smiles really big and her eyes practically disappear or when she giggles at the silliest sounds I make.  My start into motherhood was far from what I imagined it would be and far from what others told me it would be like (all warm and fuzzy and joyful).  This is my story of continuous redemption and I pray God will use it to encourage someone else like me that may feel like they will never really be happy again, just like He used someone to speak truth to me, even when at the time that truth seemed impossible.  God is faithful and ever so gracious.  Cling to Him, trust in Him, and your joy will return.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Thankful

I have sooo much to be thankful for in this current season of life.  To mention a few:

~ My job at Appalachian State University allows me to work only two days a week so I can still "stay home" with Juliet the majority of the time, and it's a job where I am actually using my teaching degree
~ My Titus 2 group (Bible Study/Mentoring group) and the relationships I have with the ladies in it
~ Juliet sleeping better
~ Me feeling more like a "normal" person again (whatever "normal" is :) )
~ Juliet's dad being able to watch her the days I work (which actually makes it possible for me to work)
~ My mom who still brings me breakfast in bed (so we can do devotions first thing)
~ My dad who often babysits so I can have that somewhat "normal" life

God has so clearly answered SO many prayers and for that I am thankful!

Put me on my stomach....

...and this is what I'll do:

Traveling...

....is fun! 
...but it wears a girl out.


Uncle Zach

Zach just graduated from school in Charleston, SC and before moving to Seattle, Washington, where he is stationed on the U.S.S. George Stennis, he is taking about a month of leave.  He is home for several days, then heading to New Zealand with a friend, and then back home for a few more days before moving west.  We have loved having him around, and he and Juliet seem to be new found buddies :)

Great-Grandmothers

Juliet is so fortunate to have TWO great-grandmothers, who are not only living, but live relatively close, and love Juliet very much.  This weekend we got to visit all great-grandparents (and several aunts and uncles).  Juliet was glad to play on the floor in the middle of the action and perform her tricks (rolling over and giggling) for everyone.

Great-Grandma Isla.....



Great-Grandmother Helen (and aunts)....
 How many 86 year-olds do you know that get down on the floor and play with their great-granddaughters?!?!


Prunes

We still have not really mastered the art of eating them, but we know they taste good!

5 months

Juliet was 5 months old yesterday.  I can't believe it!  Her little personality emerges more and more each day.  She has TWO teeth that have just recently poked through her bottom gum.  So far, teething has not seemed to phase her.  She loves to play and is not content to just "sit" unless there is something interesting going on to distract her.  For the most part Juliet sleeps better at night (still wakes up to eat once or twice), but still has one or two "bad" nights each week.  Last night she actually slept from 8pm-4am, the longest she has EVER slept, but then the night before she woke up every. two. hours....so, who knows?  She laughs more and more each day!  It amazes me how alert she is of other people and her surroundings.  She looks at whoever is talking, reaches for/grabs whatever is in sight, etc.  It you sit with her at the computer in your lap she tries to hit the keys on the keyboard and she always wants whatever I am eating or drinking.  I can't even eat and hold her anymore because she grabs for the plate and food.  She is still not a big fan of strangers, but she only needs to spend an afternoon with you to get use to you and then she is fine.  She use to suck her thumb, but now sucks her two fingers on her right hand to soothe herself and fall asleep.  Over all, she really is a sweet little thing!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

We did our best to wear lots of PINK all day long, and Juliet even had her special Valentine hair bow from her Aunt Mary Berger!
 Lots of LOVE from Juliet and Lara!!!

Going to the Mailbox

Juliet walks with her grand-mommy to the mailbox just about every afternoon.

Pink Lemonade

"Mommy, I want some of that stuff you have."
"Whoa, that is tart....but good."
"I think I'll have some more."

...Juliet's first sugar.  She was "drinking" as much as I would let her.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Rubber Ducky

Every baby needs a rubber ducky in the bath, right???  Well, Juliet also recommends taking a bath in a rubber ducky!! 
Juliet LOVES her bath time in her Ducky!  She will sit in there just kicking her legs, splashing, and chewing on her bath toys as long as you let her.  We made it 30 minutes last night and then me and my mom were the ones that were tired of sitting with her.  Oh, and if you squeeze the duck's beak it quacks!!
Juliet looks like a sumo wrestler in these pictures. Lol.

Solid Foods

We are just now trying solid foods.  Juliet likes to eat them about every other day, and otherwise just spits them out.  ....it's a work in progress.

Ready For Spring!


The Sound of Music

Juliet LOVES to sit out in the piano room while my mom is playing.  I really hope she wants to take lessons one day!  Also, when we sing along Juliet like to "sing" (aka: scream) too.



Monday, February 6, 2012

Rolling Over: check

Today Juliet mastered rolling from her stomach to her back.  Lay her on her stomach and she will be on her back in like 2 seconds.  I guess this means tummy time is a thing of the past???

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Cloth Diapering 102

I use cloth diapers for two main reasons 1.) save money and 2.) it's better for the environment.  Now that it is winter it is more challenging to hang the diapers up outside to dry...short window of sun, my hands get cold, etc, etc, etc,...   So, I was drying the diapers in the dryer (even though they say not to do that) but I felt like I was not really saving nearly as much money by using the washing machine AND the dryer so often.  So, diapers now are hung to dry in Juliet's room.  Not super classy, but super efficient and convenient!  Juliet wears dry, clean diapers fresh off the line!

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Dear Juliet,

You are four and a half months old!  Where has my baby gone??  You have grown and changed SO much since you were born you don't even seem like a baby to me anymore...you seem like a little girl with so much spunk and personality.  I am so thankful I am able to stay home with you, and while some days seem to last longer than others, I'm so thankful to have this precious time with you. 

You still are not a great sleeper, but you are making progress!  You are starting to sleep better at night and sleep much less during the day.  You seem to be happy to be out and about and if you are at all tired you fall right to sleep anytime you are in the car.

I want you to know that I am your absolute most favorite person.  I can say that without hesitation, because it is true.  And I LOVE it!  You are most content to be held by me and I can make you smile when others cannot. :)  I'm sure your love for me has something to do with the fact that I am your source of food, but regardless of your reasoning, I'll take it! 

You are not a mellow child. You love to be thrown in the air and turned up-side-down.  You are ticklish under your arms and your giggle could melt anyone's heart.  At this point, when you are held by strangers you go from blank stare, to the cutest frown, to all out crying with tears.   But as long as people talk to you while I'm holding you or you are in your car-seat you are glad to give them a smile. 

You are just now starting sit-up on your own, but you have yet to roll-over.   Your finger nails grow super fast, just like mine!, which will be nice when you are older but you don't particularly love to patiently sit still while I cut them like every other day!

You love to look around and will look toward any sound you hear just to see what is going on.  Anytime you hear a new voice enter a room you stop what you are doing and look for them.  You are not so great at entertaining yourself, but I can't blame you...I like being around other people too!

So, I hate to tell you this but you are called many different things in our house.  None of them were planned, the have just evolved.  They include but are not limited to: Juliet, Julietty, Etty, Pookie, Chunkster, Crankster, Chunkymonkey, Babygirl,....and the list could go on.  I promise, though, that we always introduce you as Juliet!

Part of me is ready for the next phase of your life, as in the walking/talking/more active phase, but part of me is so sad that you are growing like a weed.  You really are a precious little girl that we love so much!  You make us laugh so much with your funny faces and particularity.  Each morning during devotions we let you lay naked on the bed and you get all excited and do your reverse push-ups.  You LOVE to be naked!....so very hippy of you, you little Ashevillian!

Well these first four months have not been easy, in fact harder than I ever thought they would be, but you truly are a joy!

Love you so much!
Mom

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Let your light shine!!!

Juliet and I were in Earth Fare the other evening eating dinner.  As I was putting Juliet back in to her car-seat to leave I heard a voice exclaim, "Look at that sweet baby!".  An older lady approached us that looked exactly like the Hollywood version of a fortune teller/palm reader.  She came up to Juliet and said, "I could just see your light shinning bright as soon as I walked in the door!!"  Well, despite what the "light"represents for that sweet lady, I got to thinking, I really do hope Juliet's light shines!

Matthew 5:16
In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

Swing Low, Sweet Chariot...

Or in our case, we swing HIGH!!!  The weather has been so nice I got out Juliet's little plastic baby swing on a whim one afternoon.  I assumed it hung in a tree, but when I got it out of the box the ropes were rather short and had hooks on the ends.  I think the swing is made for a play-set.  That being said, I just hung it on the front porch in the front porch swing hooks.  It looks SO, um...., ghetto.  It hangs super high and is PINK plastic on our front porch!  Juliet did not seem to mind swinging at eye-level, though. :)

Little Mexicana

I bought Juliet a few handmade indigenous dresses in Mexico because they were super cute and super inexpensive.  She is finally able to wear them!

Handy Man

My dad discovered a broken water pipe on Sunday afternoon.  Our flat piece of earth had turned into a mound because of all the water under it.  My dad knew to go turn the local water off near the road, and then he and his buddy Dave got right to work, found the leak, dug a channel to drain the water, and even fixed it (the pipe had completely broken in two!) all by themselves.  I was SO impressed.  I just don't know how they know how to do these type of things but I'm glad I was there to help (by taking pictures! HA!).
And they make it look like a nice day, but it was really cold and windy...they are just hardcore!