An Impossible Calling

My heart aches to be in Mexico these days.  It almost kills me that I can't just "go" right now; for a visit at least.  I have recently been almost obsessed with reading blogs of other missionaries and I think it is because it is the closest I can get to being "there" right now. 

I am such a goer and doer; I always have been.  Even though I don't like bugs, can't stand to have greasy hair, and like taking hot showers, there is no where I have ever been happier than on the mission field.

I think part of my contentment on the mission field is a result of my own sin of getting caught-up in "stuff" in the US..  Here in the US it  is so easy for me to get caught-up in material things, entertainment, and "instant"-everything.  It is so much easier for me to focus more on the simple and important things when I have fewer material distractions; in other countries, for instance.   When my life is more focused on serving others and less focused on me, I am more content. But, I think another reason I am so content on the mission field is not because it is always easy, not because nothing ever frustrates me (have you ever met a Hispanic that arrives on time???), and not because nothing ever challenges me, but because I really believe God has called me there.  I don't think you can find true contentment outside of His will.

Well, right now my I am here.  In the US.  And not only am I here, but my "going" and "doing" is very limited.  I am learning to stay and rest (I mean that figuratively!).  Being still for now is okay; I know this is my current calling.  I want to "go", but I know this is a season and there will be a time when it is easier to go and do.  However, what I really struggle with is if I will ever be able to go on the mission field again.  I have such a longing to go; but the reality seems so impossible.  How many single moms go on the mission field? ...not to mention other logistics and issues that would arise.   A future "there" just doesn't make sense. I have really been struggling with the future and feeling stuck in the impossibles.

Thankfully God has been showing me that impossible is good.  Impossible means that if I do go it is completely of Him and not of my will or my doing.  If "going" were possible for me right now, I'd go.  So being stuck in the impossible for man forces me to rely on God's timing and plan and not my own.  Maybe I will never "go" again, I don't know God's plans, but if I do I can be sure it is of the Lord; otherwise, it just doesn't make sense. 

So, here is to the future full of going and doing; but also to the present full of waiting, resting, leaning, and trusting.  I hope to be able to re-read this post one day and be able to say, "o, ye of little faith".

1 Corinthians 1: 26-31

²⁶ Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. ²⁷ But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. ²⁸ God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, ²⁹ so that no one may boast before him. ³⁰ It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. ³¹ Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”