I Want

1. I want to have the freedom to live abroad, travel, and do whatever without feeling stuck and having to "settle down" already at age 22
2. I want to be able to go out with ANY of my friends, not just the ones who know about BG
3. I want to go to church and not feel ashamed or embarrassed
4. I want to apply for a job for the fall and not have to tell the employer that I will be having a baby just a few weeks after I start work
5. I want to feel like there is actually someone out there who would want to marry me
6. I want to have fun and be happy without feeling guilty
7. I want to feel confident about myself again
8. I want to be able to sleep through the night without having to go to the bathroom
9. I want to not spend so many nights crying

I OFTEN get caught up in the "I want's".  Some of them are superficial and some of them are slightly healthier desires.  My situation is a result of my sin, but regardless of how I got where I am today, truth is that because of God's love for me my "wants" are how I often feel but not really my reality.

Reality....
1. Following Jesus is an adventure and my exciting life is far from over.  I just need to be willing for Him to use me here or there.  There are 'good works' waiting for me!  "For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."   Ephesians 2:10

2. What a testimony I have to share about God's love and forgiveness.  "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."  2 Corinthians 12:9 

3. "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1

4. Do I not believe that God cares about my job situation and that He will provide for me?  "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matthew 6:26 

5. BG is not a surprise to God, so whether I get married or not, God had my future already planned out.  BG was not a deciding factor for Him.  Also, I know I come with a lot of "baggage" now that will make a relationship more difficult than other types of "baggage", but I really would want to marry someone anyway who was full of grace and mercy and daily lived out the Gospel.  Isn't God the ultimate Bridegroom, too?  "As a young man marries a young woman, so will your Builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you." Isaiah 62:5 
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

6.  "For all who rely on the works of the law are under a curse, as it is written: 'Cursed is everyone who does not continue to do everything written in the Book of the Law.' Clearly no one who relies on the law is justified before God, because “the righteous will live by faith.” Galatians 3:10,11 (and the rest of Galatians, for that matter)
"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1

7. God delights in me and He made me just the way I am for specific purposes.  "The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5

8. That's life.  Suck it up.

9. I have sooooo  much to be thankful for I don't know why I ever cry.  I have loving and support family, friends, and church body.  People have gone out of their way on numerous occasions to show love and encouragement to me.  I am truly, truly undeserving and have WAY to much to be thankful for.  
"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18